Stick the Knife in.

And gouge out my heart.

I miss your hugs.
I miss your cuddling.
I miss knowing you're always there for me.
I miss the love we made.
I miss the love we had.
I miss washing the dishes.
I miss kissing you goodnight.
I miss taking showers with you.
I miss getting griped at.
I miss knowing how much you care.
I miss the smell of your apartment.

But most of all. I miss you.

I wish I had an idea of how you felt. What you wanted. What you thought we could be. I wish I did. Because then I'd know and I would either try harder or forget trying at all. I hate how I like to break down at random times and just cry. Just sob. Just snot all over the place. I hate how pathetic I get when I think about you. How the thought of you taking me back in your arms makes me melt. God, I miss you.

But there is so much more to my pain. You have moved on. You have moved on to someone younger. Someone who gets to you in ways I never could. And it hurts terribly to know she's in, what once was, my place. To know she gets to be by your side at night. I hope she cherishes it like I do. I hope she makes you happier then I did. I hope she satisfies you on so many levels. I hope she makes you happy. Because. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And sadly, no matter how bad it hurts, that's still all I want for you.

Damn me. I wish I was bitter. I wish I could hate you. But here I sit. Loving you just like we're happy and together again. If only it was that simple. If only dreams came true.

--Kandy