I find it funny.

That the one person on this earth.
That I love more then life itself.
Could also be the one person on this earth.
That is hurting me more then anyone else.
Funny?
Kind of.
How is it, that he's always supposed to be truthful with me...
Yet, his truths either hurt me, or I find myself wondering if they might be twisted.
It's funny how I read in a message that one girl wanted him to come back over so that his smell would be back on her sheets.
I find it funny that he told me he doesn't find her at all attractive.
Nor would he want to get physical with her in anyway.
That she is, and I quote, "Not the most attractive girl. She just has personality going for her."
But then a few nights later...I get him so turned on he won't turn down any physical contact.
I find it also funny that he doesn't mind if she comes over and spends that night and talks a little bit of shit about me.
And then the next night...I can crawl into his bed and have him completely.
It's kind of funny.
Hmm...
I think I am better then that.
I think I am way better then that.
And with this information...
My body is now a temple.
Oh...Oh how I will tempt you.
But you will never cross that.
I will be the temptation you so desire...but can't get through to.
I won't tell you the goings on in my life.
I won't let your name fall from my mouth.
But I will let a few simple strokes of the hand.
A few innocent touches.
And a coy smile cross your path.
And you will advance...as you always do.
But the path will end.
You are officially cut off.
And it royally sucks to be you.
You will fuck her.
And she will fall for you just as I did.
And then she can be crazy.
And she can be foolish.
And by then...I shall be so far away from you.
I shall be so over "us."
That you'll wish you had one more chance at me.
You will have lost.
Though you'll never admit it.
You will look at pictures of us and wonder what you could have done.
What could you have done to fix us.
To be with me again.
You will wonder.
And you will hate it.
And I.
Finally.
Will have won.

Foolish boys.
I conquer all.

--Kandy.

I will Quit.

For my body.
For my mind.
For my lungs.
For my loves.
For everything.

I will put these cancer sticks down.
And I will not pick them up again.

For my face.
For my heart.
For my fitness.
For my blood pressure.

I will put these cancer sticks down.
And I will not pick them up again.

For everything.

The Worst Day Ever.

I woke up today.
I cried.
I went to work.
I faked it all.
I got off.
My bank account was fucked up.
Go figure.
I'm trying to straighten it out.
I have to go back to work.
And I will not get off till late.
Then. Tomorrow.
I go in EARLY.
Ass crack of dawn.

I miss the one thing I shouldn't care about.
I want it back.
But NO. I. DON'T.
And I'll use myspace photos as a reminder.
I am nothing short of terrible for you.

Fuck it.
--Kandy

Worthless Tears.

So I'm crying.
And that is lame.
I am virtually lamenting a lost love.
And that is foolish.
Why?
I shouldn't let him do this too me.
I shouldn't be sad that he's gone and I made him go.
I shouldn't.
I should be jumping up and down.
He's finally free of all my burdens.
I'm going to stand on my own.
He should be happy as hell to know he won't be bitched at.
He won't have to hang around my ignorance.
He won't have to put up with my emotions.
He's free.
Completely.
And I'll just sit here and be sad for a while.
I hate how contorted my face becomes when I cry.
And even at this moment...
I look hideous.

I guess all I ever really wanted was someone to love me.
To hold me close and tell me they did.
Someone to need me, just as much as I needed them.
Someone who wants me, just as much as I want them.
I'm not looking for marriage.
But I'm looking for someone who is faithful. true. and can see what I'm worth.
Because, my self-worth is a lot.
But most of all. I'm looking for someone who understands me.
Because that's the hardest part of it all.

Stop Crying.
Your tears are worthless.
Absolutely.
--Kandy

Wrecked.

Does anyone know the sound a human skull makes when it meets pavement rapidly?
Or the sound of a bone snapping and shattering?
The sound of a gunshot and the bullet ripping through flesh?

That is the sound my heart and head made when they collided today.

Happiness seems ultimately, far away.
But my strength...my strength is unwaivering.
There are things I want for myself that I, at this point, do not have.
I know I must attain them for satisfaction and happiness.
My own strength and faith is what will bring them to me.
I will about-face and reconstruct who I am.
What I am.
What I will be.
Yes, it's in order.
And it's all about me.
It's weird being so selfish and putting myself before others.
I must admit it's going to be a difficult struggle.
But I'm going to stick to it.
I'm going to conquer.
I'm going to rise.
And if I fall a few times, I'll brush off my knees and keep truckin'.
Smile.

--Kandy